ecclesiastes

for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to harvest.

a time to break down, and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.

people all around me these days, as i am raw in moments and ways that i don’t like, because i’m fundamentally uncomfortable with people seeing glimpses of me that i don’t see of myself.  i relish and have learned to relish honesty, but dang, if it isn’t tough to know that people are seeing into my very soul and seeing its faults, and then to realize that they don’t hate me.

i am insecure.  and therefore shocked as i look back on all these weeks of being me, that our friends and neighbors and relatives and my very own wonderful mother have so many encouraging things to say, and chastising things to say, and give well meant pieces of advice not just about building but about being.  i am being built in this process of building.  and i never knew how many people i need and delight in – and not a moment of ingratitude do i want to have.

i have had moments of anger and afternoons of stomachaches because of people dynamics at the house that stress me completely.  i have never worked before.  i have never been the boss.  i want everyone to like everything all the time in every way (an absolute impossibility).  and then i dump all this on the people who drive by or call.  and they don’t hate me for it?

thank you.  and just in case our kids read this, i never ever ever tell them i love them enough.  every night when i go to bed i wish i could have done a better job of just kissing them more.  they are quite good sweepers (don’t call cps, please.  they are also doing history and spelling and math).  and they’re silly and eager and random.  and ari today told the head roofing and metal siding guy that maybe santa should use gasoline instead of reindeer. ?

it was really really cold today, and for some reason i didn’t wear warm clothing.  i will try tomorrow, mom.  wearing the $1.25 sweater present brought to me on monday (pure lambswool goodwill warmth) i’m sure finishing framing up will be great.  that’s right folks.  we’re moving on.

and, for the record, siding a three and a 1/2 story stair tower is time consuming.  the daily picture:

19

thanks for checking in.

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One Response to “ecclesiastes”

  1. Kerin Says:

    “…we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowlege of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the LORD, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work, and increasing in the knowldege of God. May you be strengthened will all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:9-13

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